Epiphany
Yesterday morning there was an earthquake. My mother never called to see if I was still alive. Normally, that's exactly the sort of thing she does. Normally, she does it and I get disgusted. "Of course I'm fine - don't you think if there'd been deaths they would have been reported in the same place the natural disaster was?" Yeah that's right - I'm an ungrateful bitch. I know that.
So she didn't call. And I was upset. At the end of the day yesterday, I finally figured out why. I want to reject HER. I don't just want her to leave me alone. I want to get to push her away.
Why do I have this burning desire? Beats the fuck outta me. Does the fact that I got her exactly what she wanted for Mother's Day make up for what a total bitch I am? No? I didn't think so either.
So she didn't call. And I was upset. At the end of the day yesterday, I finally figured out why. I want to reject HER. I don't just want her to leave me alone. I want to get to push her away.
Why do I have this burning desire? Beats the fuck outta me. Does the fact that I got her exactly what she wanted for Mother's Day make up for what a total bitch I am? No? I didn't think so either.
posted by Zoe @ 8:08 AM
2 Comments:
At 6/16/2006 8:22 AM,
anne said…
Isn't that so crazy that we want the opposite of what we think we want!? I totally know what you mean. She's taking all the fun out of you hating her. How dare she!
Ah parents. They drive us insane no matter what they do. But no matter what we do, they still impact our lives so hugely.
At 6/20/2006 2:58 PM,
Plain(s)feminist said…
But don't for one minute think that it didn't take all her energy and discipline not to call you. You know how mothers are. She is making a point of not calling you and it is probably all she can think about. Which means that you are very much on her mind, and you matter a great deal to her.
Incidentally, I was in Oakland and I had no idea there was an earthquake. I was kind of hoping there'd be a little one. Guess I slept through it.
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