When It Came Time To End

So File Clerk and I were pretty friendly while working together. When I left at the end of May, we were both kind of bummed, and we promised to keep in touch. You know how that goes - sometimes it works, and sometimes the friendship peters out.

Mid-June, we met up for dinner in the Castro. We had a nice time. At some point in our conversation, the Gay Pride Parade came up. For those not in the know, Gay Pride is a weekend of various activities, it's not just one parade. There's the parade, the Dyke March, the Gay Pride Celebration, etc.

File Clerk tells me about going to the Dyke March. I ask why she went, and then say, "I guess that's a stupid question, since I'm straight and like to watch the Gay Pride parade." She hems and haws and then tells me she was in two long-term, very serious relationships. With women. File Clerk. You know - the one with an ex-husband. Who she did not divorce because she turned gay.

My friend says sexuality is fluid. I kind of understand it when she explains it, but not really. But whatever - I don't care that File Clerk is gay. She tells me she thought she'd told me previously. I shake my head no. Assure her it doesn't bother me. Tease her (she prides herself on being open-minded) that her assuming I'm closed-minded about gayness is closed-minded of her. We move on to talk about other things.

A couple of weeks later, we have plans to go get pedicures. She's never had one before. File Clerk calls me the day before to confirm. Her voice gets all low and soft and throaty.

You know, we used to see each other every day, and I think because of that we
took each other for granted. Now when we see each other it's because we
want to, we're making an effort, and I think it's taking our friendship to a new
level. And I think it's wonderful. I'm really glad our friendship is
evolving this way. Or maybe I'm just an idiot who's over-thinking this. Never mind.

File Clerk's speech both squicked me out and annoyed me.

1. I can not logic out what exactly made me uncomfortable, I can only say my gut reaction was that I was uncomfortable.

2. I love when people are passionate about things. File Clerk's backtracking at the end of her speech irritated the hell out of me. If you're going to say something, OWN IT! To me, that's the definition of backtracking. Backtracking is not when you say something, someone attacks it, and you clarify your position. People scream backtracking on Craigslist forums all the time. That's not backtracking. Backtracking is what File Clerk did. File Clerk has a habit of doing that.

So now, I pretty much want nothing to do with her. She said a few other things along the same vein as that first speech. No, I don't think she's hitting on me. For the most part. And yes, I see the incongruity of saying I encourage people to say how they feel, and then wanting to get away once they have.

Now that's where we are on the File Clerk front.