Ultimatum?

My parents are scheduled to come to the West Coast in October, arriving a week before I turn 30. Their plan is to stay in SF for the first few days, and then go to LA for the last few days, flying back to NY on my birthday. Of course, since my dad got laid off the whole thing is up in the air right now, but I'm worrying based on the assumption they'll wind up coming here.

A few months ago, I told my parents that I have a lot of issues with myself, with them, and with our relationship that I'd like to work out. Towards that end, if I paid for it, and found a therapist they respected (credentials-wise) would they come to therapy with me while they're out here. I figure I would pay about $100 per hour for a day or 4 hours of therapy. One 55 minute session would just not get us anywhere, and because we live on opposite coasts, therapy would have to be like a full-day seminar.

Basically, my parents said no. Fuckers. What they actually said was "let's wait and see how things are then." They are arriving late on a Sunday night. They have not asked, and I have not made plans, to take off any time from work. So the earliest we'd possibly see each other would be a Monday night. On a Monday night or Tuesday morning, they'd first be saying "Okay, clearly our relationship DOES need help; fire up the therapy." They're leaving for LA either Wednesday night or Thursday morning, which means I'd have about 36 hours to find a therapist who could see us on VERY short notice, and to try to get time off from work. Impossible. Which is why I translated their "wait and see" bullshit answer into a big fat no.

In my family we're very big on "If you have nothing nice to say, just keep your mouth shut." I have nothing nice to say. I think I could get through a meal with my father in the safety of the public eye, which would only be mildly strained. I am not sure about my mother. Really, we need some damn help.

I was talking with my brother today about this, and he said flat out that it's weird they'll be on the West Coast for my birthday, but in LA with him rather than in SF with me. Granted, apparently it's because cheaper plane tickets were factored in, but still. Whatever. I'm not big into my birthday anyway, especially since there'll be no Carvel crunchy cake to be had. I'm not upset or anything. It's just weird.

My brother encouraged me to tell our parents that if they won't go to therapy with me, that I don't want to see them. I said that I don't want to be one of those people who gives ultimatums. I'm not like that. He said it's not forever, it's just for this upcoming visit, and we can deal with each visit as needed. He also suggested starting with asking my dad again about the therapy, rather than my mom. My mom who told my brother she was finished with me, yet sent me an e-mail on Sunday asking why I didn't try to talk with her when I called their house to wish my dad a happy father's day. Oy to the vey. Why would I want to talk with someone who said she wants nothing to do with me? Never mind that I'm not supposed to know that, and never mind all my not wanting much to do with her these days.

I don't know how I feel about this. Does anyone else know how I feel about this? I don't think they'll take nicely to being given an ultimatum. I'm working out how I'd word it to my father. But still, he's a bottom line kind of guy.

Karen_S, I know you're going to say I should go to therapy on my own, without them, regardless of whether they'll go with me. I still am not going, but your advice is still rolling around my head. I feel like there's so much therapizing I'm doing on my own, that I'd rather wait and go to therapy after I've done all I can for myself, you know?