Till Life Do Us Part

My brother and I have both said that we don't really have any plans to go back to Florida until our grandpa dies. Which I think is sad and a little wrong - once he's dead, he won't care if we go visit him - he wants to see us while he's alive.

Thing is, as much as I love my grandpa (and I love him a lot), there's only so much we can talk about before we both need a break from each other. Plus he gets tired and has to rest. Not that it's tiring to talk with me - I'm capable of dialing down the intensity - he's just super old. Old people get tired.

Anyway. So my grandpa is in Florida and so are my parents. All of them want us to visit. Despite living there for four years, I don't really have any friends there. One girl who I was sort of friendly with e-mails me once in a while, but most of the time she's just asking me to vote for her daughter for some Cutest Kid in Florida contest or some shit (which, I never do, because I both don't think her daughter's cutest, I hate the fake professional pictures they make her take, and I don't believe in teaching little kids their worth is all in how they look).

My dad's birthday is in a few weeks. He has a twin, and her daughter, my cousin, is throwing the twin a surprise birthday party in New York. My parents were invited. Despite having lived in New York for more than forty years, nobody offered to let them stay at their house. So my dad isn't going to his own twin's surprise birthday party because he can't afford airfare, hotel and rental car for him and my mom.

When my father was telling me this, he said "If I were going to spend that much money, I'd rather visit you and [your brother] in San Francisco, though you might not." I said no, of course not, but really, yes, he's right. I don't want to see my parents.

For my father's 60th birthday, my mother was thinking of giving him (and herself) a trip out here to visit us. My brother and I agreed you can't give someone the gift of people who don't want them there.

And it's sad. So sad. I'm really worried my mother is going to die and then I'll wish I'd handled it all differently while she was alive. It's something I won't know until it's too late.