My Mother Would Kill Me If She Saw This
She's got epilepsy. Had it since way before I was born. I was a senior in high school when I found out. When your mother has been taking pills four times a day for your whole life, it somehow never occurs to you to wonder why exactly she's taking them.
She didn't tell me because everyone in the family said I had a big mouth. I can't judge if I do or not. If you ask if I like my parent's new house, or my grandpa's slut girlfriend, I'll tell you the truth - I don't like either. Does that mean I have a big mouth? Certainly it means I lacked tact. Perhaps it just means I'm overly honest. My mother told me she didn't want people knowing she's epileptic because they'll think it means she's possessed or something.
While I was a senior in high school this girl named Jodi came in one day announcing that she'd had a seizure while driving over the weekend. Her housekeeper was in the car at the time and got them both safely to the side of the road. Jodi went to the doctor, got told she couldn't drive for six months, and was put on a low dose of one of my mother's medications. Nobody called her a freak. Jodi got lots of hugs and oh my god's and sympathy for being a 17 year old who all of a sudden wouldn't be allowed to drive for a half a year. Nobody said ANYTHING negative.
I remember an after-school-special with a kid having a seizure in gym class, and wearing a special helmet. My mother never wore a helmet. I never connected her taking pills with her saying she hated the sound of crinkling paper. My grandma used to fold plastic shopping bags into very small squares and then try to smooth out the wrinkles that would never be flat. Drove my mother nuts. I thought she just didn't like it. My mother hated lights flickering - from disco balls, to the sunlight between the trees as we drove down the road, to ambulance lights. She'd be hypnotized by them. "Mommy, look away." "Mommy, close your eyes." "You can look now, Mommy." We thought she just liked them. I didn't know flickering lights can cause seizures then.
A few years ago (two?), my mother's neurologist decided to change the medications she takes. Apparently medicine has come a long way since the 70's, and there are things she could take that would have fewer side effects. Wonderful! No, not so wonderful. It's a very slow process. You start taking the new stuff on top of the old stuff, then very slowly wean off the old stuff. It's not working. My mother has been having seizures.
Her neurologist has referred her to a special medical center in the city, basically saying he's done all he can. My mother doesn't want to go. Why? She believes they'll recommend surgery, which she is petrified of. Just to be clear, she's petrified of any and ALL surgery, for everyone.
My grandma died of a sudden heart attack in 1994. Why? She was afraid to have cardiac catheterization, which would have told us/her if she needed open heart surgery. So she died. Apple.... tree, anyone? I recall that we all very strongly agreed my grandma should have had the surgery.
My mother should just go to the damn epilepsy place in the city, and see what they have to say. Maybe they won't suggest surgery after all. Or maybe, just maybe, if a SURGEON thinks surgery would help you, and they're not scared you'll die on their table, you should consider that a reason to get the surgery. We're not talking about Jerry's Epi Hospital and Fishmart here. We're talking about a teaching hospital in a major city that people come to from other countries.
Oh and of course, I know all this because my brother told me. My mother doesn't know that I know. Which means I can't call her up and tell her to go. I have to call and ask how she is and hope she brings it up if I want to talk with her about it.
She didn't tell me because everyone in the family said I had a big mouth. I can't judge if I do or not. If you ask if I like my parent's new house, or my grandpa's slut girlfriend, I'll tell you the truth - I don't like either. Does that mean I have a big mouth? Certainly it means I lacked tact. Perhaps it just means I'm overly honest. My mother told me she didn't want people knowing she's epileptic because they'll think it means she's possessed or something.
While I was a senior in high school this girl named Jodi came in one day announcing that she'd had a seizure while driving over the weekend. Her housekeeper was in the car at the time and got them both safely to the side of the road. Jodi went to the doctor, got told she couldn't drive for six months, and was put on a low dose of one of my mother's medications. Nobody called her a freak. Jodi got lots of hugs and oh my god's and sympathy for being a 17 year old who all of a sudden wouldn't be allowed to drive for a half a year. Nobody said ANYTHING negative.
I remember an after-school-special with a kid having a seizure in gym class, and wearing a special helmet. My mother never wore a helmet. I never connected her taking pills with her saying she hated the sound of crinkling paper. My grandma used to fold plastic shopping bags into very small squares and then try to smooth out the wrinkles that would never be flat. Drove my mother nuts. I thought she just didn't like it. My mother hated lights flickering - from disco balls, to the sunlight between the trees as we drove down the road, to ambulance lights. She'd be hypnotized by them. "Mommy, look away." "Mommy, close your eyes." "You can look now, Mommy." We thought she just liked them. I didn't know flickering lights can cause seizures then.
A few years ago (two?), my mother's neurologist decided to change the medications she takes. Apparently medicine has come a long way since the 70's, and there are things she could take that would have fewer side effects. Wonderful! No, not so wonderful. It's a very slow process. You start taking the new stuff on top of the old stuff, then very slowly wean off the old stuff. It's not working. My mother has been having seizures.
Her neurologist has referred her to a special medical center in the city, basically saying he's done all he can. My mother doesn't want to go. Why? She believes they'll recommend surgery, which she is petrified of. Just to be clear, she's petrified of any and ALL surgery, for everyone.
My grandma died of a sudden heart attack in 1994. Why? She was afraid to have cardiac catheterization, which would have told us/her if she needed open heart surgery. So she died. Apple.... tree, anyone? I recall that we all very strongly agreed my grandma should have had the surgery.
My mother should just go to the damn epilepsy place in the city, and see what they have to say. Maybe they won't suggest surgery after all. Or maybe, just maybe, if a SURGEON thinks surgery would help you, and they're not scared you'll die on their table, you should consider that a reason to get the surgery. We're not talking about Jerry's Epi Hospital and Fishmart here. We're talking about a teaching hospital in a major city that people come to from other countries.
Oh and of course, I know all this because my brother told me. My mother doesn't know that I know. Which means I can't call her up and tell her to go. I have to call and ask how she is and hope she brings it up if I want to talk with her about it.
posted by Zoe @ 4:17 PM
1 Comments:
At 11/01/2006 7:05 AM,
M.Amanda said…
Unless you're concerned about her getting pissed at your brother for "having a big mouth," send her an e-mail.
"Mom,
I know what's going on. Quit being such a baby. Go to the damn doctor and do what he says. Unlike having me hang up on you, ignoring his advice probably will kill you.
Love, Zoe"
That way you make it clear what your opinion is without having to actually talk to her.
Harsh? Eh, sometimes people are coddled too much during their lives and end up as very bratty fifty-somethings. In any case, I hope you don't let this guilt you into giving in to her. I hate reading about how she makes you feel bad. You don't deserve that.
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