File Clerk Finds Love (in the File Room)

Except, not really. Let me explain. Or attempt to. Or at least stop writing such short sentences.

The file clerk is turning 30 next month. She has a ten year old son who she spends almost all her non-working time with. She has very low self-esteem.

Enter Joseph. Joseph was hired as a temp paralegal for a case we have that's HUGE. So he's been here for months. Apparently Joseph has a PhD in philosophy or something like that. He's old. As in, what I call "dad-age" old. He's over 50. He looks like a gnome. No really, he does. Joseph does not have a tv, and he reads a lot. File Clerk reads a lot too. File Clerk is treated like an idiot who's too stupid to be anything more than a file clerk, even though she's actually quite smart.

At first he invited her to go to Berkeley to see a movie. I remember her telling me she wasn't sure it was a date, so I told her to bring enough money to pay for everything herself. She had a great time, they barely stopped talking the whole night, it was beautiful. She felt like a Real Person. Not just a file clerk who gets treated like an idiot and a mom who's too poor to go anywhere or do anything fun. All was good.

Then one day she tells me something about Joseph and I ask if they're dating. FC scrunches up her face and says she doesn't know. I ask her if she wants to be dating him. She doesn't know that either.

A few weeks later the truth comes out. She's not physically attracted to him. She feels awful confessing this to me. I ask her why. "Well, look at me!" she sputters. I look at her. Blankly. In my opinion, there's no rule that says Fat People Can't be Turned Off By Old Men Who Look Like Gnomes. He's OLD! And not in a Richard Gere kind of way either. He belongs dating one of the grandmas.

Then one day File Clerk tells me he tried to kiss her, she moved away, and she feels terrible about this. "Why? You're not attracted to him. Why would you want to kiss him? You never OWE anybody that way." Deep down inside she's a very good-hearted person, better than I am, and so she feels badly hurting his feelings. I get that. Really, I do. But. Then she's got to tell him. "I'm not interested in you that way. I just want to be friends and have our long talks and coffee breaks." She says she knows. I try to convince her, standing in the file room, that she owes it to herself to be honest more than she owes Joseph a makeout session or more.

Couple of weeks ago, FC reports that Joseph said he loves her. Her response? "No. No, no, no. No, don't say that." He said okay, he was sorry.

On Friday, File Clerk tells me he's kind of possessive - that when he calls her at home he asks what she's doing, where she was, who she was with. Alarm bells go off in my head and I point this out to FC. She's not stupid, and agrees with me. I encourage her to create distance. I tell her somebody else, less dad-age, less controlling, will like her instead. It's hard, to walk away from somebody who likes you, especially when you feel unlikable, and like this could be your only shot. I feel for her.

Today I saw them coming back from getting coffee.

It's More Fun the Second Time

My mother's back in the hospital again.

Apparently she went to a physical therapist who gave her the exercise of walking from the living room to the bedroom three to five times an hour throughout the day. This would not be a difficult task for most - in fact, the hardest part would be keeping track of the walks, since regular mobile people walk all the time.

Did my mother tell the physical therapist that she leads a sedentary lifestyle? No. So the physical therapist thinks he's giving her something beyond basic, and doesn't know he's having her walk more in one day than she normally does in a week.

So what happens? Last night as my mother is doing laps in their apartment, she falls. My father hears a big thud and then screaming. He somehow gets her to bed, gets ice on her knee, and three hours later the swelling hasn't gone down. 911 is called. Word is my mother doesn't think she had a seizure, doesn't know why she fell, just knows she did.

An x-ray claims nothing is broken, and they schedule an MRI to be done on an out-patient basis. The emergency room wants to give her crutches and send her home. CRUTCHES! This woman can't handle keeping her balance with two feet! She almost falls if someone else walks by her quickly when she's standing still!

Emergency room comes to their senses, and it's decided a walker will be the abulatory aid of choice. Now it's the middle of the night, and they have her practice walking with the walker before sending her home. My mother says she feels dizzy, thinks she's going to pass out. And that's how she came to be admitted at 6 a.m. this morning.

Please join me as I say fuck.