A Big Fat Fucking Judgmental Post
Sometimes it's exhausting being so politically correct all the time. I get tired of always having to worry about hurting people's feelings. Sometimes I just want to say things that are not appropriate.
Why yes, you DO scare me and I WOULD like to cross the street!
I fucking HATE your girlfriend.
Actually yes, your kid IS a brat.
No, I DON'T understand your position and happen to think you're retarded for thinking that.
While I promise I won't act on it, I seem to have a bit of a crush on your husband.
There's a file clerk at work who I'm sort of friends with. Sometimes we clash, and sometimes we get along just fine. Honestly, if there were more people at work who were not grandmas, the file clerk and I would not be friendly. I mean, we'd get along enough to work nicely together, but that'd be it. However. This is what it is, and as such, I know a lot about her life.
She's divorced and has a ten year old son. Nice kid, really. She's poor and they live in a studio apartment that has a big walk-in closet with no doors. The closet acts as the kid's bedroom. She's not on welfare, but it's close. She brings lunch from home every day, and when I say "lunch" I mean those cheap MSG soups quite often.
Here's the background in an organic nutshell. Growing up she took care of her grandparents while they were old and dying. Then around age 17 she moved from New England to SF, got married and promptly got pregnant. At some point (a long time ago) she got divorced. At some point soon after that her mother moved to SF and File Clerk (hereinafter referred to as "FC") had to take care of the mother.
My understanding is that the mother is obese and has a lot of medical problems. I know she used to work, but had no friends at work or anywhere else, and, like my mother did, made her daughter her best friend. Every weekend FC had to go help her mother with various errands, or take her to doctor appointments or whatever. A few months ago the mother moved back to New England (to torture her other daughter) and FC missed quite a bit of work. Helping her mother clean out her apartment, which apparently had lots of Stuff, and helping her pack (doing it all), etc.
Oh yeah, despite the mother being a grandma she had no relationship at all with the grandson. Really, I'm very hard on everyone, kids included, and I swear he's a nice kid. The mother apparently NEVER babysat him, and never spent any significant time with him at all. Even if the three of them had a meal together, the mother would encourage him to go watch tv and leave the adults to talk.
Her ex-husband (FC and he met working at a cafe- he was a dish washer, she was a manager) lives across the Bay, with his sister and some other family members. They're not from this country,and the Wasband doesn't really speak English. He's around 30 (maybe a little older?) and is a busboy at a touristy restaurant in the city. At one point the Wasband moved out of his sister's place into his own, back in 2006, but after a couple of months he moved back in - couldn't hack it on his own. Not financially, but he couldn't take care of himself was the problem.
Can we talk some more about that whole not speaking English thing? I can understand how someone who's a busboy might not really need to understand English. I do, really. But. If you have a son, growing up in the U.S., going to public school in SF, friends with kids who speak English to each other, wouldn't you want to learn English? I would. Just saying. You know, as someone who has a VERY hard time learning foreign languages.
FC makes sure that her son's pediatricians are always bilingual, in case the Wasband has to take the kid to the doctor. Recently she was late to work because she had to meet with her son's teacher - he's having problems in school. the Wasband works nights. Like 4pm to 1am or some shit. So with a cup of coffee he could be at school in the morning for a meeting about his son one or three times a year. But no. He didn't go. FC told me it was much easier for her to go meet with the teacher, then report back to the Wasband about what was discussed. Because the conference with the teacher was conducted in English, and Wasband would need translating, she says.
The reason I judge him so harshly is because FC always talks about how great of a father he is. Even though she'd have family support in raising her son, even though she'd have a more comfortable lifestyle, she refuses to move back to New England, and separate her son from his father. It's sort of nice, a good thing for her son in his eyes for sure, and honorable, except I don't think he IS a good father. I think of good fathers as being reliable. Rock solid reliable. Bet you can guess from that that my father was never ever late in picking me up anywhere. Good fathers get you where you need to be. On time. Good fathers are good examples of how adults should be.
The kid goes to the Wasband from either Friday nights or Saturday mornings through Monday mornings. Wasband is supposed to deliver the kid to school on Monday mornings. FC tells me often on Mondays that her son did not show up at school. Sometimes she is frantic trying to find her son. The Wasband oversleeps (why doesn't he deliver the kid to school late?), doesn't feel well, whatever, and just doesn't deliver the kid to school. Oh, and he also keeps his cell phone off, so FC can't call him. How is that NOT irresponsible? How is that being a good father? He could set an alarm, tell the kid to wake him, suck it up and take the kid to school even if his belly hurts, call FC and tell her to come pick up the kid and bring him to school. My point is, there are ways of getting that kid to school. I don't think a person is acting as a good parent, in the best interest of their child, to blow off school at least two Mondays of each month.
So the kid's mother is poor and the kid's father is poor. The Wasband has worked at the same restaurant as a busboy for a long time - several years. I asked FC once why he didn't get a job there as a waiter. He'd earn more money. Apparently he can't be a waiter because his English isn't good enough. I asked if he is capable of learning English. Yes, she says he's quite smart, at one point wanted to become a lawyer. So a very smart man is a busboy at a fancy restaurant. Dude, is it me, or is that a recipe for a man to blow? Anyone see Falling Down with Michael Douglas? So why DOESN'T he better himself? I'm not directly saying that more money equals being a better human being. Wait, am I? No, no I'm not. Because he could learn English simply to be able to better communicate with the people in his son's life, like his teachers. Like his son's friends.
This is not the only reason I have issues with FC. My other big issue with her is her sense of entitlement. FC gets the same amount of time off from work that I do. Every pay period (which is roughly every two weeks) we get a certain number of hours that we can take off any time we want. It's not like we get two weeks vacation, three sick days and two floating days. We just accrue hours. Because FC doesn't have a support system (her words, not mine), any time her son is sick or has any sort of issue, she has to take time off from work to take care of him. Plus when her mother lived in town she took time off for her mom. Plus sometimes she gets sick herself. FC has had to cancel at least two trips that I know of because she used her hours for times when she or her son were sick and didn't have any more hours left for trips.
She talks constantly about how that's not fair. Why? Because she couldn't help it. For a smart girl, she's pretty stupid about this. I have over 100 hours accrued. She doesn't think that's fair. Why? Because she works harder than I do. Well, that's kind of true, she does spend more time doing work-related things during the hours we're both at work. However, I get my work done, and that's what my job is. A big part of my job is simply being available in case my lawyers need me; that's why secretaries work for more than one lawyer. My job is to keep my attorneys happy, and I do. And if a blowjob here or there is what it takes, then WHOOPS! That's an entirely different blogpost, sorry. Anyway.
About four or five months ago she was given the job of doing all calendaring for our office. It's a big job. She really wanted it though. She's decided to go to school to become a paralegal because she HATES being a file clerk. She considers it mindless monkey work that any asshole could do. Put documents in the right folders, update the indexes, job done. So she was totally pumped to get more responsibility and the calendaring job. It meant she had to cram a lot more work into the same amount of time.
A month ago FC told me she asked HR for a laptop, so she could work from home on the calendaring sometimes. I laughed; I couldn't help it. Of COURSE they wouldn't give her a laptop - she's a FILE CLERK. File. Clerk. File clerks don't get crackberries and they certainly do NOT get laptops. She claimed to me that she NEEDED a laptop and if she had one she'd be better able to keep up with both the filing and the calendaring. Naturally HR said no. Again, she thinks this is unfair.
Last week it was leaked that they hired a calendaring clerk. FC is crushed. Absolutely crushed. I understand - she was having fun having a challenge at work, using a different program, thinking differently, etc. However, yet again, unfair. And that's what kills me about her. She always thinks anything that doesn't work in her favor is unfair. Of course I have more hours to take off from work than she does - I haven't used mine up. "But you don't have a kid." Yes, this is true. No arguing about that. But she gets that tax break people with kids get, and I don't. Should I be saying that's not fair? No! It *IS* fair. When you have a kid you get the advantages and disadvantages, just as when you don't have a kid you get the advantages and disadvantages of that too.
As do lots of people who are poor, she's bitched about money. I offered to do a couple of things for her, to help her earn more money. I offered to come in on a Saturday and teach her literally everything I know about being a legal secretary. I offered to give her copies of my resume, cover and thank you letters I've used for her to find a new job. I've offered to look through the ads to find entry level legal secretary jobs that I think she'd be successful at. I know they'd pay more than she's earning now, and I know she could do the work. But no. She doesn't WANT to be a legal secretary. And that's fine - it's not for everybody. She claims she's too scared of the responsibility of it. Umm.... but you want to be a paralegal? "You DO understand that as a paralegal you could find yourself sitting in a court room during a trial, handing your attorney whatever they need while hundreds of thousands of dollars hang in the balance?" But she's scared to be a legal secretary.
Okay. Yeah. So that's the file clerk I'm sort of but not really friends with.
Why yes, you DO scare me and I WOULD like to cross the street!
I fucking HATE your girlfriend.
Actually yes, your kid IS a brat.
No, I DON'T understand your position and happen to think you're retarded for thinking that.
While I promise I won't act on it, I seem to have a bit of a crush on your husband.
There's a file clerk at work who I'm sort of friends with. Sometimes we clash, and sometimes we get along just fine. Honestly, if there were more people at work who were not grandmas, the file clerk and I would not be friendly. I mean, we'd get along enough to work nicely together, but that'd be it. However. This is what it is, and as such, I know a lot about her life.
She's divorced and has a ten year old son. Nice kid, really. She's poor and they live in a studio apartment that has a big walk-in closet with no doors. The closet acts as the kid's bedroom. She's not on welfare, but it's close. She brings lunch from home every day, and when I say "lunch" I mean those cheap MSG soups quite often.
Here's the background in an organic nutshell. Growing up she took care of her grandparents while they were old and dying. Then around age 17 she moved from New England to SF, got married and promptly got pregnant. At some point (a long time ago) she got divorced. At some point soon after that her mother moved to SF and File Clerk (hereinafter referred to as "FC") had to take care of the mother.
My understanding is that the mother is obese and has a lot of medical problems. I know she used to work, but had no friends at work or anywhere else, and, like my mother did, made her daughter her best friend. Every weekend FC had to go help her mother with various errands, or take her to doctor appointments or whatever. A few months ago the mother moved back to New England (to torture her other daughter) and FC missed quite a bit of work. Helping her mother clean out her apartment, which apparently had lots of Stuff, and helping her pack (doing it all), etc.
Oh yeah, despite the mother being a grandma she had no relationship at all with the grandson. Really, I'm very hard on everyone, kids included, and I swear he's a nice kid. The mother apparently NEVER babysat him, and never spent any significant time with him at all. Even if the three of them had a meal together, the mother would encourage him to go watch tv and leave the adults to talk.
Her ex-husband (FC and he met working at a cafe- he was a dish washer, she was a manager) lives across the Bay, with his sister and some other family members. They're not from this country,and the Wasband doesn't really speak English. He's around 30 (maybe a little older?) and is a busboy at a touristy restaurant in the city. At one point the Wasband moved out of his sister's place into his own, back in 2006, but after a couple of months he moved back in - couldn't hack it on his own. Not financially, but he couldn't take care of himself was the problem.
Can we talk some more about that whole not speaking English thing? I can understand how someone who's a busboy might not really need to understand English. I do, really. But. If you have a son, growing up in the U.S., going to public school in SF, friends with kids who speak English to each other, wouldn't you want to learn English? I would. Just saying. You know, as someone who has a VERY hard time learning foreign languages.
FC makes sure that her son's pediatricians are always bilingual, in case the Wasband has to take the kid to the doctor. Recently she was late to work because she had to meet with her son's teacher - he's having problems in school. the Wasband works nights. Like 4pm to 1am or some shit. So with a cup of coffee he could be at school in the morning for a meeting about his son one or three times a year. But no. He didn't go. FC told me it was much easier for her to go meet with the teacher, then report back to the Wasband about what was discussed. Because the conference with the teacher was conducted in English, and Wasband would need translating, she says.
The reason I judge him so harshly is because FC always talks about how great of a father he is. Even though she'd have family support in raising her son, even though she'd have a more comfortable lifestyle, she refuses to move back to New England, and separate her son from his father. It's sort of nice, a good thing for her son in his eyes for sure, and honorable, except I don't think he IS a good father. I think of good fathers as being reliable. Rock solid reliable. Bet you can guess from that that my father was never ever late in picking me up anywhere. Good fathers get you where you need to be. On time. Good fathers are good examples of how adults should be.
The kid goes to the Wasband from either Friday nights or Saturday mornings through Monday mornings. Wasband is supposed to deliver the kid to school on Monday mornings. FC tells me often on Mondays that her son did not show up at school. Sometimes she is frantic trying to find her son. The Wasband oversleeps (why doesn't he deliver the kid to school late?), doesn't feel well, whatever, and just doesn't deliver the kid to school. Oh, and he also keeps his cell phone off, so FC can't call him. How is that NOT irresponsible? How is that being a good father? He could set an alarm, tell the kid to wake him, suck it up and take the kid to school even if his belly hurts, call FC and tell her to come pick up the kid and bring him to school. My point is, there are ways of getting that kid to school. I don't think a person is acting as a good parent, in the best interest of their child, to blow off school at least two Mondays of each month.
So the kid's mother is poor and the kid's father is poor. The Wasband has worked at the same restaurant as a busboy for a long time - several years. I asked FC once why he didn't get a job there as a waiter. He'd earn more money. Apparently he can't be a waiter because his English isn't good enough. I asked if he is capable of learning English. Yes, she says he's quite smart, at one point wanted to become a lawyer. So a very smart man is a busboy at a fancy restaurant. Dude, is it me, or is that a recipe for a man to blow? Anyone see Falling Down with Michael Douglas? So why DOESN'T he better himself? I'm not directly saying that more money equals being a better human being. Wait, am I? No, no I'm not. Because he could learn English simply to be able to better communicate with the people in his son's life, like his teachers. Like his son's friends.
This is not the only reason I have issues with FC. My other big issue with her is her sense of entitlement. FC gets the same amount of time off from work that I do. Every pay period (which is roughly every two weeks) we get a certain number of hours that we can take off any time we want. It's not like we get two weeks vacation, three sick days and two floating days. We just accrue hours. Because FC doesn't have a support system (her words, not mine), any time her son is sick or has any sort of issue, she has to take time off from work to take care of him. Plus when her mother lived in town she took time off for her mom. Plus sometimes she gets sick herself. FC has had to cancel at least two trips that I know of because she used her hours for times when she or her son were sick and didn't have any more hours left for trips.
She talks constantly about how that's not fair. Why? Because she couldn't help it. For a smart girl, she's pretty stupid about this. I have over 100 hours accrued. She doesn't think that's fair. Why? Because she works harder than I do. Well, that's kind of true, she does spend more time doing work-related things during the hours we're both at work. However, I get my work done, and that's what my job is. A big part of my job is simply being available in case my lawyers need me; that's why secretaries work for more than one lawyer. My job is to keep my attorneys happy, and I do. And if a blowjob here or there is what it takes, then WHOOPS! That's an entirely different blogpost, sorry. Anyway.
About four or five months ago she was given the job of doing all calendaring for our office. It's a big job. She really wanted it though. She's decided to go to school to become a paralegal because she HATES being a file clerk. She considers it mindless monkey work that any asshole could do. Put documents in the right folders, update the indexes, job done. So she was totally pumped to get more responsibility and the calendaring job. It meant she had to cram a lot more work into the same amount of time.
A month ago FC told me she asked HR for a laptop, so she could work from home on the calendaring sometimes. I laughed; I couldn't help it. Of COURSE they wouldn't give her a laptop - she's a FILE CLERK. File. Clerk. File clerks don't get crackberries and they certainly do NOT get laptops. She claimed to me that she NEEDED a laptop and if she had one she'd be better able to keep up with both the filing and the calendaring. Naturally HR said no. Again, she thinks this is unfair.
Last week it was leaked that they hired a calendaring clerk. FC is crushed. Absolutely crushed. I understand - she was having fun having a challenge at work, using a different program, thinking differently, etc. However, yet again, unfair. And that's what kills me about her. She always thinks anything that doesn't work in her favor is unfair. Of course I have more hours to take off from work than she does - I haven't used mine up. "But you don't have a kid." Yes, this is true. No arguing about that. But she gets that tax break people with kids get, and I don't. Should I be saying that's not fair? No! It *IS* fair. When you have a kid you get the advantages and disadvantages, just as when you don't have a kid you get the advantages and disadvantages of that too.
As do lots of people who are poor, she's bitched about money. I offered to do a couple of things for her, to help her earn more money. I offered to come in on a Saturday and teach her literally everything I know about being a legal secretary. I offered to give her copies of my resume, cover and thank you letters I've used for her to find a new job. I've offered to look through the ads to find entry level legal secretary jobs that I think she'd be successful at. I know they'd pay more than she's earning now, and I know she could do the work. But no. She doesn't WANT to be a legal secretary. And that's fine - it's not for everybody. She claims she's too scared of the responsibility of it. Umm.... but you want to be a paralegal? "You DO understand that as a paralegal you could find yourself sitting in a court room during a trial, handing your attorney whatever they need while hundreds of thousands of dollars hang in the balance?" But she's scared to be a legal secretary.
Okay. Yeah. So that's the file clerk I'm sort of but not really friends with.
posted by Zoe @ 8:38 PM
3 comments
