Middle Management Sucks Ass

A lot. My dad got laid off yesterday.

I knew this was coming. A couple of months ago my dad was telling me his people asked him to create some whole plan and he did, but then they wouldn't implement it, and a little bell went off in my head. I knew then. I could just feel it. On one of the blogs I regularly read, the guy had written about needing someone who does what my dad does. I asked my dad if I should send him the link to that blog entry. He laughed and said it wasn't needed.

But now it is. So today I sent him the link.

Here's the part that makes me sad: on Monday night my parents bought a dining room set. Not to replace an old one, but to have one. Last night they went back to cancel the order. The reason this makes me sad is that my dad was describing the dining room set to me, and he sounded excited and enthusiastic about it. He NEVER sounds that way. About anything. Not when my brother became a CPA. Not when he got into law school. Not when he passed the Bar. (I've never done anything to get excited about.) Not ever.

But my dad sounded so excited about this dining room thing that I feel sad it's not going to arrive at his house. I asked him how much it costs, and he told me. Too much for me to pay for by myself. $2,700

So I called my brother. I explained how excited our father sounded about it. Then I asked him "What if we got it for him?"
"For what?"
"For Father's Day. I could put in $1,000, and so could you, and Mommy could pay the remaining $700."
"Zoe, that's REALLY nice of you. REALLY. But I wasn't planning on spending $1,000 on Father's Day."
"Well, me either, but I never expected him to sound enthusiastic about anything."
"I'm sorry. It's a great idea, but I just don't have $1,000 right now for this."

I really hope nobody buys that dining room set and the price goes down over the next couple of months. And that my dad gets a new job quickly. Fuck.

And Then I Cried

Due to massive parent-problems to be explained and explored in another post, I send my brother, who offered to talk with me about such issues, a very long e-mail. In response, he called me and we had a two hour phone conversation last night.

During which, he told me he will probably marry The Girlfriend. You know, the one who punched him right after surgery? The one who's mean to their dog? The one who has hated me from day one?

And then I cried.

So let's review:
Growing up, my brother and I fought a LOT. When I moved out of our parent's house, he did the same less than two months later, at which point we became good friends, despite living on opposite ends of the East Coast. Five years later, he started dating The Girlfriend, eventually she found my Other Blog, which solidified her hatred of me, and now I'll never see him again.

Okay, well .... it was really nice knowing you.

Shalom

Hello, my name is Zoe (HI ZOE!), and it's been a little over 90 days since my family found out about my (real) blog.

There are things I want to write that I don't want them knowing about. There are things I want to write that I wouldn't mind if they knew, but I don't want to talk with them about. You know, like the fact that they're planning a trip to the West Coast in October and I have no interest in seeing them at all while they're here. Little things like that.

I greatly value the feedback I get on my other blog from the people who comment. That's why keeping a diary wouldn't cut it. I don't really know enough people that I could have had asked all my people to visit my blog. So I couldn't password-protect mine.

Initially I did not want to start another, secret blog. I told my family I wouldn't have one. But I've changed my mind. Quite honestly, I'm much less emotionally healthy now than I was four months ago. There's nothing I value more than my mental health. Nothing. Because if you're not sane, you can't appreciate anything. I try to take very good care of my mental health.

And so, after batting around the idea with a friend, as of yesterday, this blog has been born. It's ironic - that I need to hide from my family in order to talk with .... everyone else in the entire world. But I do, so here I am.